by Boots Hart, CAP

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Can You Hear Me Now? (Part 1): Getting that astro-"in" with someone

I once had a doctor I needed to deal with but felt very disconnected from. Surely there was some way to 'click' with this guy?

So I did what astrologers do: I asked for his birth date. I can't recall at this point (years later) whether I did it the old fashioned direct way, or if I got to it by playing any of the hundred games astrologers play to get folks to spill.

In this case, he spilled (verbally) and I retreated to my casa of the moment and looked up his chart.

Should you want to try synastry for yourself ('synastry' being the chart-to-chart comparison of symbol positions), try to keep these rules in mind:

If your planet connects with their Sun, you need to approach them in terms of who they are. You may even want to read a sun sign book to get a clue first.

If your chart jives with their Moon, feelings, money, family heritage and anything they're really care about (general rule: with clothes on) is your quickest 'in,' but don't count on this holding their attention for longer than a conversation or two. In other words, it's a good 'in' but not necessarily what will build a real relationship.

A connection to their Mercury means you need to appeal to what they think about things or the whole subject of how people think, commmunicate and run their day-to-day lives. Appeal to their interests and try not to be too, too boring. Mercurys are...well, mercurial - like the metal which doesn't stay put or hold its shape. Move in and move on!

Hooking in via their Venus requires a deft touch with regards to their values and what they value. Asking what they 'like' or 'like to do' or 'admire' is a good one here, and flattery may get a spark, but don't pander. Venus connections are good with flattery right up until the time they get hungry for real human sustenance - at which point you either become a feast or a forget-me-knot (yes, knot).

If your planet connects with their Mars, you need to cooperate with what they're doing/want done or at least appear to be interested in whatever their immediate goals really are (immediate being the key word here).

Your chart point intersecting with their Jupiter is a classic give/take point. It could be teacher/student (roles may flip-flop back and forth), you could just be dealing with someone who wants to lord over you (which could get very tiring) or you may find yourself constantly having to feed one of their interests, drives or need - which could be fun....

....or it could be simply like trying to keep a very large shark fed, lest you get munched.

Your chart clicking in with their Saturn means respect is on the table. Know where they come from, what their standards are and what they're (maybe secretly, maybe not so secretly) afraid of. 

Unless they're very wishy-washy, watch yourself. And if they are an uber-wuss, be prepared: they may bail just when you need them. Or if you really, truly frighten them (in which case it's up to YOU to go un-frighten them!).

If your chart point connects with their Uranus...uh...good luck. Whatever aspect in you is getting their Uranian attention, don't expect constancy, consistency or agreement, so tread lightly, carry a fire extinguisher and when in doubt, try to laugh. You may need to do it as you're backing out the door, but laugh anyway.

Should your chart link with their Neptune, don't define - elicit! You'll get their attention by getting them to get into themselves and find the thing which connects with you. Work the fuzzy edges. Be willing to be a little vulnerable. They can't see whatever you're leading with, so give them time - allow them to figure out how much they enjoy you.

This brings me back to the doctor, it being my Neptune which connected with his Mercury. I looked at that (and looked and looked again) then realized I'd have to walk my own plank (blindfolded) if we were going to connect. 

Which brings up the other side of the coin - the You part. 

But let's finish the 'them' list first...

If your chart connects with their Pluto, you need to get what their strongest strengths and/or finest weaknesses are. Not what they say they are - what they really are! That's where they'll either adopt you, or need you. 

HOWEVER...if the symbol on your side is Moon, Venus, Mercury, Mars or Nadir(IC), it's best that you play fair, too as a Pluto wronged is a terrible thing to face and the little list above (Moon, Venus, etc.) are not exactly where you're blast-proof.

This does brings up what you are connecting through. Sun is your life - who are you? What are you about? Moon is money and feelings (always a goodie!).

Mercury is thoughts - if it's your Mercury connecting with their whatever, expressing a thought which pertains to their whatever will start a conversation (as opposed to your whatever connecting with THEIR Mercury, which means you want to PROVOKE thought in them, which will get them to start a conversation with you).

Venus is values, and the infamous art of personal allure. Venus intices where Mars asserts...and knowing the difference between tempting and arousing is a really important thing whether you're in the board room or the bedroom (or trying to bed someone in the boardroom!).

Jupiter is knowledge, exploration and sharing. Have you ever wondered...? Did you see that...? I just learned that...? Isn't it amazing...? Do you know how to...? Do you know anyone who....? Fill in the blanks, then let them fill in the response.

Using your Saturn to reach someone else is mucho tricky, especially if your Saturn connects with their 'likely to be more personal' points (Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, IC). When starting out, it's best to adopt a (non-inflammatory) stance and see what happens. By and by you may become the 'strong shoulder' or the one who leads the way but you can't assume that will work starting out. Our Saturns often 'look' intimidating to others even when inside, they're just something we're used to doing (which makes us look very expert and when we least expect, threatening!) or a 'social mask' we adopt either to fit in, or because we're not all that confident in/about ourselves.

Your Uranus hooking into someone elses chart gives you insight, but not permission to intrude simply because you understand, see, or know how to get under their skin.

In other words, don't blow it! Unleashing your brilliance (not your impatience) is good - as is humor...Uranus is all about humor! And try not to say "don't you GET it?" to the point they want to barf. Yeah, YOU get it, but they don't want to be friends with the most obnoxious know-it-all of all time! 

Our Uranus can be the most unattractive part of us (just go for the inference here, and use both hands if you have to...) so start with short-strokes and don't rush into that  heavy impact thing. If your opening improv works, there's time enough for all things - and in a relationship where Uranus is a basic connection, that 'all things' is really ALL  THINGS!

Neptune is everybody's blind spot - hence my feeling like I was walking a plank blindfolded with that doctor. (We did become friends, by the by...) What you believe (or believe in) works here, but figure on not knowing what you're doing. Or what you may catch - figuratively or literally!

Pluto embodies all you are obsessed with and everything which is your weakness. And in that weakness department, be prepared: it may be exactly that you deny about yourself. If your Pluto connects with any of their personal planets (Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars) or particularly their chart axis (Ascendant, Descendant, Midheaven/MC or - ouch! - Nadir/IC) and they aren't just magnetized  by your presence, you might want to try someone else. 

If your Pluto connects with any of their generational (Jupiter, Saturn) or transpersonal planets (Uranus, Neptune, Pluto) there is a potential for alliance with all terms negotiable, so play a card and see what they respond with. 

Before I close, a word or two on chart angles: the Ascendant is what you're doing (or they're doing), the Descendant is what you/they want to be known for (or appear as) the Midheaven/MC is the longings, dreams, goals and ambitions department and the Nadir/IC is our foundation. 

Of the four, the Ascendant is the most obvious and the Nadir (or IC) the most vulnerable. And that vulnerability is more important to you than them - WAY more important. Nothing baby does remains standing when baby's IC gets undermined...and that applies whether you're the baby or they're the baby.

And just in case you're thinking to chop at someone elses IC - think again: this may be the point which generates more ill feeling (and vengeance) than anything else simply because it so does represent our softest of soft underbellies. 

Or....guys? Maybe not your belly, if you get me. 

We're just talking about basic basics here - your point matching up to their point within 5 degrees (a conjunction). And these are just the most standard of old-time symbols.If you really, really want more, make me feel your love and I'll DO more.

In the meantime, happy people hunting! 

And do try to play nice. Okay, or not! 

It does depend - I so do know. 


  1. Fascinating article. How would chiron and major asteroids play out in synastry charts?

  2. Okay! That's one vote for more - anyone else into hear about dwarf planets, major asteroids and TNO's (oh my!)?

  3. 'I tried this! My son's Mercury is on his dad's IC and when they got into a tiff the other night, my son told his dad how BORING he was.... so you pretty much nailed it about Mercury being short on patience and mercurial. (Mercury also rules my son's Sun sign well, so that's probably a double whammy). The two of them also connect through Uranus, so that would explain those tiffs. I have passed along your advice, to "tread lightly and carry a fire extinguisher!" LOL

    My son's Mars is on his dad's MC, and his Venus is conjunct his dad's Jupiter, and your guidelines ring very true for those, too, because that is where they shine with one another, both being musicians and sharing knowledge and exploring ideas, and both very much interested in what one another is doing and their mutual goals in the world of music.

    It was really interesting trying this out! Thanks!