by Boots Hart, CAP

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Signs of Internal Relating

 Personally, I'm thinking of making the Jacaranda my family tree, but other members of the family might object...
photo credit: Shiftchange (2004)

I have a lot of Leo people in my life. I've always had lots of Leo folks in my life. As far as I know, it started with my baby brother being born under Leo.

Okay, so he's not a baby any more. But he was then, and I tend to think he's the one who started the trend. That I refer to him still here on this oh-so-international blog as my baby brother...? Well, call that sisterly prerogative! The minute he got taller than me he started referring to himself as my 'big brother' - so its mutual.

As for facts, by now we're both adults. At least allegedly. And he's out there being married with his own little munchkin.

Does that make you an adult? Probably not - but that's a whole other blog. As is the idea that my Bro the Leo married a She Leo in the founding of his Leo pride.

Sometimes I think Leo people marry other Leo people just to keep them from excessive pride. Not sure - but it's a concept. And yes, through the years I've watched this Sun/Moon matching thing. There are some odd sorts of commentaries to be made on same.

But hey...that's yet another blog.

To my endless astrological amusement, the son both to He and She Leo is an Aries. For one, that allows (and causes) me to refer to them as The Fire Sign Family. But maybe more importantly (as big sister with the Aries rising), that Aries son gives me cause to chuckle. The morning young nephew was born I looked at the calendar and knew that if nothing else, Sir and Ma'am Leo had just been blessed with a child who would (sooner and/or later) give them a bit of serious fire sign competition!

Ah, the quirks and twists of fate, no?

But getting back to the subject...we all tend to 'collect' signs. If you go through your address book (or birthday calendar) you'll see the same thing. Generally those birthdays cluster around points in our chart, making such people not only 'representative' of what that point's 'vibe' attracts (what we're putting out there), but through their energies and actions, part of what we get to learn. 

It's a funny thing, this attracts like and yet cause creates boomerang effect. As near as I can make it out, the more usefully and constructively positive we are in any given department of life, the better we get responded to. As I say (type) that however, I don't want anyone to think I mean we always have to all be "nice." Sometimes the painful truth is the very best thing we can hear. Discipline from without (not brutality, discipline) teaches us discipline within.

It's an odd position to take, but there are people who have been born into this world who are truly awful and miserable, yet through their 'badness' we have all learned something incredibly valuable.

Would we have learned it otherwise? Sad to say...but probably not. Human beings learn more through pain than through cotton candy happy times. The old saw the burned hand teaches best is a truly apt expression.

And sometimes it's the unpleasantries which show things up. In the middle of one of my testier conversations with the Leo Bro I discovered he had felt envious of my intellectual learning. Astonished, I replied that I have always been a bit envious of his social delight and grace.

It took us a fractious moment to get there. And even once we got there, it didn't solve anything. But as we've talked, I've come to realize that it's how we say things which as much as anything else creates the positive and negative of it response.

And while I could wax technical here about Ascendants and Mercury placements, I'm not going to. This blog isn't about us - it's about how we tend not to see each others' point of view. And seeing as there's hardly anything that's going to cure of us of being who we are (nor would we want to be cured of being who we are!) ( there are a couple of people I could say that about, but...)...could it be we just don't have some quick 'cliff notes' on how to express ourselves in a good, connective and useful way?

That became my 'yes, grasshopper!' moment. And for those of you who know me, uh-huh...that grasshopper should probably be a cricket. I have a long, long history with crickets and am currently living where I get a lot of them coming inside to visit. It's taken me literal decades (plural) to learn not to leap away in fear at the mere sight of a cricket twiddling its antenna...I have a memory of a grown man who felt so for my fears as to have chased  one (un)lucky cricket across a hundred feet of painted floor inside a sound stage one evening to make sure it wouldn't come over and do something dastardly like attack me.

(Trust me - it's was a scene straight out of the movie Beetlejuice. Very endearing...very ridiculous!)

In the end, I made peace with the crickets, but it didn't come cheap. It came from a terrible moment when I finally realized my fear of them was a reflection of fear I had learned of others - other people, I mean. There had been crickets present in that situation so I had learned to fear the insect, not the people.

Back then, I didn't dare fear the people. I needed them too much. So all that fear went into crickets until there came a day when I realized they were as frightened of me now as I must have been of those people way back when.

So now I catch crickets in a plastic cup. Most of them are fairly cooperative, though there are a few determined, feisty hold-outs. Once they're in the cup I take them outside, warning them not to go into my neighbor's house (he takes absolutely no cricket prisoners!).

My point here is that in that moment...those hours of realizing how wrong I had been about what was and wasn't 'evil' that was really about me.

And though not everyone has as weirdly melodramatic a story as I have, we all tend to be unsuccessful in some way, in some area of our lives.

That's my point here...and why I thought to write this blog on the idea that every sign has its weakness. They do! A "blind spot," call it. And yes, I'd use the term vulnerability (because that's what it really is) though this is really about how to better get along with others.

It's really about what others call a weakness in us. You know...when they're not calling them by other, possibly more colorful names? Uh, yes - that!

So here's the list and its to remember, this is just one part of the list. These same quirks show up in a number of ways, but let's shoot today for a general understanding and as time goes by, perhaps go from there.

ARIES: There's an astrological joke which refers to Aries people as having a case of 'first person perpendicular.' It's a reference to the constant consciousness of self so typical of Aries. The problem is, to others Aries comes off as being egocentric, if not out-and-out egotistical.

The solution to this challenge? Simple - ask not what the world can think of you, O Aries, talk about what you can do for and in this world. We know you're capable! So just be the gift - don't talk about what a gift you are!

TAURUS: Perhaps you remember that story about Ferdinand the Bull, trotting along smelling the buttercups? Taurus folks so want the world to be a nice place it seems to the rest of us like it takes dynamite to get them to talk in realistic terms about what's wrong in this world.

We get it, Taurus: you want everything to be good. That's your security bent (sometimes hell bent!) talking. What we need from you though is for you to extend your sense of security to the rest of us. Talk about what we can all do to fix things, instead of what things should be like or what you do to fix your own stuff. We need to know you're with us - and that's no bull!

GEMINI: I hardly need to tell Geminis that they're known for a busy mind which likes to explore a thousand things, discussing and contemplating each in turn. 

The problem is, when Geminis go in that direction, everyone else says oh...I guess they're never going to get anywhere (or get anything done). Showing others you know how to make a choice and set priorities is the trick to earning not just respect from others, but interest. So go ahead and do each and every one of those two thousand things you want to do - but do them one by one. See each one through. Discuss what you are thinking, and by all means, listen to input and discourse. Just don't be owned by it! The minute you go into that 'fascination mode' which shows you being "run" by the agenda of others, your stock takes a big fat fall - so don't go there!

CANCER: Known to many as strong but moody, the Cancer challenge is often just about holding your tongue. And yet, if you don't speak, then you feel unneeded. What's a Crab to do?

It's all about approach Cancer - you want to guide, not pinch! And if (okay, when...) you do exert too much strength, the answer is not to react to someone's 'OW!' with self-justification! Everyone knows Cancers mean well - so why don't you believe that and stop with all the 'I was just...' stuff?

Here's the thing...the more important the situation, the more supportively you should approach it. That doesn't mean tip-toeing - it means looking at what can be done, not what has already done wrong. You'll be amazed at what that one little change can do!

LEO: Yes, this is where my thoughts all started. And I didn't start with any negative. What I started with was the realization of just how strong Leo people really are, and how many Leo people don't realize how strong they are. With the ruling Sun in their eyes they don't get that they're the big cats on the veldt and a lot of the rest of us are just little puddies.

What I think is that this is why (or part of why) Leo has long been told that the choice is to be arrogant or supportive. If you want the world to be filled with sunshine, support us. The least little critique from a Leo comes out with so much strength that it sounds critical and thus makes the Leo sound arrogant - even when its not meant that way! Be of that great good cheer you want others to be of with you, Leo - compliment and support! Be the companion and protector, not the judge!

VIRGO: Yes, you care about the details, Virgo. You want to see things done right - that sets your mind at ease and frees you to enjoy the rest of life.

Just remember, please...that rest of life is the object of the game - not the details! If you can not only bear this in mind but make it clear to others that the goal and the growth of that life is your object, you will garner the cooperation of those around you.

One other thing - try not to see the fact that others don't think in terms of details as your burden. It isn't. What others don't do is not necessarily your problem - for all you know, it may just be their preference! Being responsible for you and knowing your boundaries (not just your limits) not only gets you respect, but "forces" others to own their own responsibilities...which is what you wanted in the first place, right? 

LIBRA: With Saturn in your sign from 2010 into the latter part of 2012 this is a time to recognize that though the Libra instinct is to relate to others, the point there is to learn what others want, need, believe in and respond to...and to decide for yourself whether you like any of that.

The signs of the scales is always a balancing act, yes. The temptation is to be like "them" (and get along)...or to counter every positive with some possible consideration or downfall. And yet, neither one of these is actually who you are...and in the end, that's the only thing which people are going to love you for - you!

Libra is not supposed to be a joiner - or nagging Devil's Advocate (how annoying is that?). Libra is where cause meets effect, so focus on the interaction...and don't conform to it - learn from it! The world wants to know you, not how you can pretend to be this, that and the other thing!

SCORPIO: Let's be real. The Scorpio drive to want what it wants is really strong. But people are wary of Scorpios for a reason - that reason being that Scorpio is very good at relating but then has a tendency to use what it learns for personal profit.

Yes, I hear you laughing! And yes, Scorpio can often simply take what it wants in the short run. (maybe). But everything Scorpio does generates karma - which is why fear runs so deep in this sign. It's not 'them' you're scared of - it's you and what you know you're capable of! 

The more actively aware you are of your potential and the more radically you take on and demonstrate that your 'winning' is to understand what others want so they can win in their terms - more you get what you want. So don't assume! The more you aim at what others want, the more they aim to get/give what you want to you! Sound fair?

SAGITTARIUS: There are two edges on the point of the  Sagittarian arrow. One is all about seeing how (and if) things work. This can drive people nuts by making you look like you're all theory and no effectiveness.

Then there's the Sagittarian who demands to rule. While they may make people bow down, this generally alienates a lot of folks who really hate being preached at. 

Remember - Sagittarius is the sign of the hunter, and hunters are supposed to feed people, whether that's with ideas or knowledge or whatever. You can't eat for them, you can't force feed them. You have to offer. By offering the right thing, you succeed - feedback validates Sagittarian success. Hopefully that will keep you hunting - and your game always fresh (so to speak)!  

CAPRICORN: The Capricorn drive for durability often causes Capricorns to look to the past - towards that which has shown itself to be lasting.

Obviously that can't work on the whole...I mean, if it did, wouldn't we all be driving horse drawn buggies and using oil lamps?

So talk not about the 'good old days,' Capricorn, talk about how good it is that those old days have brought you to a place and a space and a moment where you have the opportunity to use what you have learned about life and yourself. Yes, we all can and probably should make this world a better place. But in the meantime, isn't it worth something to recognize how far we've come?

Remember - today is tomorrow's 'good old day' isn't it worth appreciating?

AQUARIUS: Aquarius, sign of wit...Aquarius sign of insightful observation...Aquarius sign of humor!

So good! So right!

But then again, there is Aquarius the elitist. Aquarius the anarchist. Aquarius the overbearing tyrant.

What separates these? Connection. Where Aquarius operates in the 'it's all about me, mine and what I like' zone, Aquarius comes off badly - and suffers from the very lack of inclusion they are revealing to those around them. When Aquarius shares, includes and treats others as valid equals, Aquarius not gains momentum, respect and functionality, resulting in all things working as they should.

And are you all about making things work?

PISCES: Hate to put it this way, Fish...but that Pisces vulnerability thing looks to others like pure weakness. Many think of Piscean folks not as the strong and enduring types they are, but martyrs - hence the 'trash heap' thing...the 'trashing' of Fish folk! 

Fixing that is not so hard and starts pretty much with one idea: when you admit you're lost, you lose others - hence that ugly habit of referring to Pisces people as 'losers.' Pisces folks need to speak in upstream terms, not 'I'm being carried away by the current!' terms. So don't phrase it as what you don't know how to do - talk about what you're looking forward to learning, and the world will be your oyster! that's a roll through the signs. A wee set of comments on where each sign seems to step in their own pothole. Most of us know our Sun - and if you don't, why on earth are you reading an astrology blog?

My point is obvious: the Sun is what we would all read. But what about your Moon - your feeling nature? What about your Mercury - the 'how I think and speak' arena? What about your Venus - the mannerisms and methods you tend to use in making things happen in life?

And let's not forget - what about that almighty Ascendant, descriptor of how you act, do things and the general personality thing?

Read them all. Give it a little thought. I bet you'll realize how it all applies and yes, it all applies a little bit differently in each venue of your life.

(And if you don't have your chart, use one of the free chart links in the sidebar.)

How the heck to manage who we are? That would be the million dollar question! How to synthesize all these separate thoughts into one? That's what astrology is about. It takes time. It takes awareness. But as we keep these ideas stuck away in the pocket of our mind we come upon those 'light bulb moments' which not only explain how (and that) astrology works, but which illuminate our habits to us.

Which would be the whole reason astrology exists. It's not about replacing life or thought. It's about enhancing thought so as to help us explore and empower our lives.

And yes, why I keep coming back to blog.

Oh yes - if you see the Leo Bro, would you ask him to give me a call? I need to ask him something....

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